I think I’ve lost my passion for blogging.

I used to look forward to checking my blog for the latest comments. And the stats, of course. I couldn’t wait to read what readers have to say about what I wrote. Now, I just immediately load my Facebook home page and feed reader.

It has been feeling like a chore to write here recently. My habit is to have the first three tabs opened; one for this blog, one for my email, and one for my facebook. It reminds me every day that it’s time I get back into the blogging habit. Somehow, the feeling has yet to return.

Is it because few comment in here anymore? Is it because I am facing difficulty being inspired to write? Is it because the time has come for me to quit blogging?

I’m not ready to give up this part of me that I have poured here for the past years. I have started many diaries and none has lasted as long as this one.

And I also do not want to leave the friendships I have made through this platform. Though many have left me, I still think of them. And I miss them. I miss the people who encouraged my writing. And I care for the ones who are still hanging around, like you reading this.

I’m not sure what I want from my blog. My life is balancing itself after the chapter of my previous workplace has been closed. I am happy freelancing and getting over with university, even if not everything is to my satisfaction.

Now, I want to fall in love with blogging all over again. If you can help me, I would really appreciate that. If you can not, it’s okay. This is something I should rediscover by myself. Until then, more impersonal posts.

• feeling “not good enough” because one can’t find a job that is at one’s academic / intellectual level
• frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
• confusion of identity
• insecurity regarding the near future
• insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
• disappointment with one’s job
• nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
• tendency to hold stronger opinions
• boredom with social interactions
• loss of closeness to high school and college friends
• financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
• loneliness
• desire to have children
• a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

Akh… I suffer from the ones in Bold.

I keep asking myself, Am I still suffering from this crisis? maybe… I’m not feeling “not good enough” anymore.

I’m thinking again… is it really a crisis that I was/am going through? Yes, it does feel alarming that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and all that.

But, I reached a level where I got bored of coloring my hair… I took 75% of my piercings off let’s say, and I wear formal… I don’t know!

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for the support, love and hatred.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, I’d like to thank you for coming back and advice you to bookmark my rss feed, because I’m going nasty and decided not to shut up and break some limits.

Actually, there are some things which I’ve said here that I’m not proud to say, personal posts with comments I should have disallowed, but I need to clear some points out:

This is my space, my domain and I pay for it, so I have the right to say what I want to here.
I need to get the negative emotions out of my chest, and you need to stomach it.

The thing is, what I really want my blog readers to know, is that… In person, I’m easy, outgoing, a party animal, a friend who listens and who likes to advice when he can, It doesn’t take me a long time to open up and be your new best friend, To me, my life seems to be sort of an open-book, but trust me some personal issues are extremely private, no one knows about them unless those I want to be informed about. But sometimes, I share some of them not so private things because:

You’ve shown interest in knowing me better.
You’re my sort-of virtual friend, eh?

My blog is an exception, I can’t determine who exactly reads my blog but I usually lie to myself and say, only the people who comment here are the only ones who are actually interested, even them spam bots.

The truth is that my family could be reading it and I’d have no idea. Like my 14 year old niece, she yelled at me the other day for not reviewing “Twilight” and “High School Musical 3″, also because I’m not interested in Zack Efron.

Now, I can’t say I have trust issues but I sort of used to trust people to the point of “naivete” and that always was a good reason to get back-stabbed the next morning they found someone else, not any better looking of course but you know… It’s the interest shown by people, or rather the lack thereof, that makes me clam up because it basically feeds my needs, I’m an attention-whore hello!

Still, It is easy to bare all in my blog because this is my space. My personal space, my freedom? like being naked in your room. Well, as long as you keep the shutter down… You get what I mean? In my blog, I do what I want and It’s only for me. I find pleasure and happiness in comments, but only because I allow them. Ultimately, I blog for myself first.

When I reveal my personal side, I do it for bonding purposes. I expect curiosity, concern, reaction, sympathy, empathy, advice, encouragement… maybe the whole nine yards. I don’t expect any problems to be solved, but I like knowing that the person I choose to confide to is thinking about me, with me…

I don’t mind it when the person asks about an update of an issue in my life. I’m not saying I expect strangers to ask me personal questions and I’ll answer right-away, I suppose you’d know if it’s an appropriate question to ask if you feel a connection with me.

That’s why I’m so open here in my blog. Not everybody who reads about my life shows interest, but the ones that do encourage me. They make me want to be better, happier. They show me a different perspective in a kind and supportive manner.

Let me share something with you, I don’t expect many to be interested but, I’d give it a shot:

I’m suffering from migraines, I was asked to stop or limit my usage/dose of alcohol and smoking, I like drinking and I won’t stop drinking for any religious purposes and I like hookah too, I don’t want to stop them and it is not easy to do that either, what do you suggest?

And I know I can feel bad,
When I get in a bad mood.
And the world can look so sad;
Only you make me feel good.

People don’t change; they just find new ways to lie to you.

I was born to be stubborn, to be a little bitchy, to push people, to push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live a little, to love with everything I had, to never give up, to believe in myself… & most of all, to fight for myself.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Relationships are hard, but they’re absolutely the most beautiful things in the world.

It’s you. You’re the one I talk about all the time, and the one I can’t stop thinking about. The one that can make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile, the one that can make me feel better in 2.2 seconds. It’s you that I’m crazy about.

People come into your life and people leave it. You just have to trust that life has a road mapped out for you. We can be just friends, but at one point or another we will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe too late, maybe at the wrong time, or maybe forever.

I can’t go a second without thinking about you and you’re on my mind 24/7. So yes you’re right, I’m way past head over heels.

I may have the sudden urge to kiss you. Be prepared. I’ll whisper that I love you as you fall out of your clothes. It’s clear to me, that we’ll eventually be, inseparable. I love your existence, I can’t get enough.

So I’m basically your average crazy boy; my hair never goes the way I want it to, my room can’t stay clean for more than a day, and there’s you that I’m absolutely crazy about.

Sometimes readers are the only thing that will listen to you.
Sometimes… no one

Take me?

I started knowing my real “friends”.


No exclamation mark, I’m too tired to even write this drama out. Also, still not yet used to sleeping in my bedroom at my mother’s place (living abroad for 4 years does it.

Sometimes (and recently let me say), I feel scared to write about certain issues in my blog because I’m afraid of how you readers might react to it. I can’t satisfy everyone.

Then, I think again. What’s the essence of blogging? Isn’t it “personal expression”? To say what I think, what I want to say without fear, even if my readers don’t necessarily agree with me? Isn’t that why blogging is so popular? Because It gives you a space to talk about whatever you want to?

Then, I know why. I don’t want to ruin the image you have of me. The image built up from all the nice, good posts you liked and enjoyed reading, or the bad image I already gave you. I want you to have the same experience each time you read my latest post.

What is my image to you? (your adjective here)

My image… I’m sure is a part of me, not entirely. That’s why I decided to allow all negative comments in my blog and write serious, real or embarrassing posts more often. I read my blog the other day to find out that I reflect an image of a teenage drama queen, which is kind of me, and not me at the same time.

Conclusion: I try to reflect many sides of me to show that I’m not perfect. Yet, there is a part of me who wishes these imperfect sides are not shown because it’s quite embarrassing to display such a side of mine.

Now… there are things I can’t say to you people on my blog, so I… keep them to myself.

Then again, I can’t reveal everything about me! Got mystery?